Another Alter Call - A Confession

If you have been in the church for any length of time there is a good chance you are familiar with the alter call.  Maybe an alter call is where your faith journey began.  In short an alter call is when the speaker specifically presents the congregation with the opportunity to accept Jesus as saviour and asks for response display that they have made a decision.  I myself have experienced many alter calls and have responded to multiple calls.

Multiple calls?  Yes, even though I have accepted Jesus at a young age I sometimes still choose to accept Him again.  Let me explain, alter calls are usually presented after the good news of Jesus is shared.  That is, Jesus came to earth and died for us making it possible for God to forgive our sins.  In addition salvation gives us hope and tremendous joy in the relationship that we can now have with God.  After hearing messages of forgiveness, joy, hope, and all the other blessings that come with Christianity I often think to myself that I want all of these things and then respond to the alter call.

If I accepted Jesus at a young age why do I keep accepting Him, don’t I already have these blessings?  I have never lost these blessings and it is not a matter of me coming back to the faith after a period where I abandoned Christianity.  The last time that I felt the need to respond to an alter call was at the Easter service this year, this is when I realized why I kept responding to different alter calls.  I have not fully surrendered every part of my life to Jesus, and as a result I am not able to completely follow Him.

Jesus makes it clear that we cannot serve two masters, the most common example is money (Matthew 6:24).  While I don’t particularly struggle with the love of money, there are struggles in my life that separate me from God.  Usually when I respond to an alter call I realise something new, or am reminded of something old that is separating me from God.  As Christians we are in constant battle between our sinful nature and true discipleship.  Jesus calls us to deny ourselves daily and follow Him (Luke 9:23).  I am grateful for these things that I am reminded of during alter calls and I pray for the strength to deny these things.

While it may seem embarrassing to catch yourself accepting Jesus as saviour again praise God and welcome it as an opportunity to draw closer to Him.  Be honest with yourself and recognize the things that are separating you from God, ask for forgiveness, and then ask for strength to deny those things going forward.

I had cardiac arrest - this is my response

The night of January 9, 2013 my life changed forever.  That night I experienced cardiac arrest and was rushed to the hospital.  Since then I have had an Implantable Cardiac Defibrillator (ICD) installed, and am recovering very well.  I can see the humor in the fact that I am posting about my life momentary stopping in a blog titled Life Without Ceasing; however I am convinced that my life in Christ (that never ceased) is crucial to the healing outcome I have experienced.  I realize that I could write endless pages telling you what happened and my reaction to it, so I will break this post down into 3 sections: What actually happened, The power of prayer, and What do we do now.  This is a long post but it is worth reading.

What Actually Happened

In order to identify the divine presence and supernatural action throughout this event it is necessary to describe in detail everything that happened.  Please note that I do not remember anything for about a week after January 9^th.  Therefore my wife, Janelle, will write the rest of this section.

January 7^th, 2013 @ 12:30 AM: Arrived home from a ski trip in Banff, Alberta. Jason drove the majority of the 1,500 kilometre trip home while Sandra (Jason’s Mom) and I entertained David who was 4.5 months old.

January 8^th, 2013 from 12:30 AM – 6:00 AM: David did not want to sleep. Jason was very kind and spent the night in the basement entertaining David so that I could rest before my first day teaching at the University of Manitoba. Our bedroom is on the second story, so I could not hear either of them.

January 8^th, 2013 @ 8:30 PM: First night that David slept in his crib. Before this he slept in a bassinette in our bedroom. This resulted in me being only half asleep when the cardiac arrest happened.

January 9^th, 2013 @ 1:00 AM: I woke up to Jason having what I originally thought was a terrible nightmare. He sat up suddenly, took a huge gasp for air and then lay back down. This was followed by what looked like massive leg cramps. I started to shake him to try to get him to ‘wake up’. Again he sat up, took a huge gasp for air and then lay back down. He was completely nonresponsive. I called 911 and they dispatched an ambulance. I described Jason’s movements as seizure like symptoms, but knew it was not a seizure. Later I realized a good description of Jason’s movements was that he looked like a fish out of water. The gasping breaths were actually agonal respirations and do not get air in or out.

After asking for our address, the 911 operator asked me if I could get Jason on the floor. Given that Jason is 250 lbs there was no safe way for me to move him to the floor. The lady told me to move everything out of the way and start to tell her every time he took a breath. He did not take a breath again and she told me to start CPR. I gave Jason 30 chest compressions and then he took another gasping breath.  At that point the fire truck and the ambulance arrived and the paramedics and firemen took over.

I stepped outside of our bedroom and one of the firemen asked me a long list of questions. When I looked back in the room our bed was flipped against the wall and Jason was on the floor. They had to shock him with a defibrillator more than once - I heard a few of the doctors mention three times. They also gave CPR for six minutes before they could get Jason’s heart beating again. They brought Jason to Victoria Hospital in the ambulance and David and I followed in the fire truck.

Every doctor we met in the hospital asked me to repeat this part of the story at least five times. The main thing that they wanted to figure out was how much time passed between the time the cardiac arrest started and the paramedics got Jason’s heart beating on its own again. Most doctors seemed to calculate a minimum of 15 minutes.

After getting to the Victoria Hospital there were many doctors and nurses working on Jason. He had tubes coming out of everywhere and was having seizures.  I did not want to get in the way and could not handle seeing Jason in the condition he was in so I went to wait in another room. Pretty soon after that Sandra and my parents joined me.

January 9^th @ 2:48 AM: The doctor in charge came and gave us an update. Jason had been given medication to stop the seizures. He was completely unresponsive and an intubation tube had been inserted to protect his airway.  I overheard the doctors say that his pupils were reactive to light and equal, he had no reaction to pain, and no Babinsky response. One thing that was very scary is that Jason’s arms were rigid and turned so that his palms were facing outward and were pulsing. This is called decerebrate posturing. One of the doctors in the room pointed out that it is a common sign of neurological damage due to lack of oxygen to the brain.

January 9^th@ 3:00 AM: The doctors initiated a cooling protocol. The goal was to reduce Jason’s temperature to 33 or 34 degrees Celsius. To do this they wrapped his entire body in something that looked like bubble wrap that circulated cold water. Being this cold is very painful so they put Jason into a medically induced coma. Even though I was told that Jason could not feel any pain he was shivering. We were told he would be kept in the medically induced coma for 24 to 48 hours. Several days later I flipped through the doctor’s notes and they state, “Moderate-high chance of neurological disability. Will re-evaluate after patient off of cooler.”

The doctors performed many tests on Jason’s heart including ultrasounds, electrocardiographs (EKG), echocardiograms, and chest x-rays. Each test came back showing that there was nothing wrong with his heart now or prior to the cardiac arrest.

January 9^th @ 2:00 PM: Jason was transferred by ambulance to St. Boniface Hospital to have an angiogram. All of the beds in the ICU were full, but they managed to find him a spot. We were very happy that he got to stay at St. Boniface Hospital because it is has the best Cardiac Sciences Program in Manitoba. After the angiogram Jason was moved to the ICU. His new doctor came to give us an update and told Sandra, Marissa (Jason’s sister), and myself that they would keep Jason in a medically induced coma for 24 to 48 hours and see what happened if he woke up. I think that the doctor let, “if” slip out.

The tests I listed previously were replicated many times and we kept getting results throughout the day.  Jason’s angiogram came back indicating that there was nothing wrong with his heart. One of the many doctors who looked at the results thought one of the ultrasounds gave an indication that Jason’s right ventricle was weakened. Since ultrasounds do not provide a clear picture the doctors decided that Jason should have a cardiac MRI.

We asked Jason’s electrophysiologist, call him Dr. EP, what the plan was going forward. He said they were going to test for several types of heart disease. So far every one they tested for was ruled out. He also said that Jason would need an Implantable Cardioverter-Defibrillator (ICD) before he left the hospital. This would act as an insurance against another cardiac arrest.

January 9^th @ 6:00 PM: We all went home from the hospital to get some rest because we were told that Jason’s condition was not going to change for the better or the worse before morning.

January 10^th @ 9:00 AM: I went back to the hospital. I thought the doctors were going to remove the cooling devices in the afternoon, but they had removed them around 4:00 AM. They let his body warm up on its own and once he reached 37 degrees they started to decrease the level of sedation. Jason did not react negatively, so the sedation medication was quickly out of his system.

At this point Jason had an IV going into a major artery in his neck with three different lines, an IV in his right arm, an intubation tube, many lead wires with electrodes stuck to his chest so that his heart was continually being monitored by a cardiac monitor, and countless marks from needles in both of his arms. One thing that surprised me is he was not on any painkillers.

David and I stayed in the room as much as possible because we wanted to be there so that Jason would not be afraid when he (hopefully) woke up in a strange place. For those of you who are not familiar with St. Boniface Hospital it is worth mentioning that every room has a cross hanging on the wall, usually near the doorway. When I gave birth to David at St. Boniface Hospital I pointed this out to Jason and since Jason’s bed was placed so that he was looking right at the cross I hoped it would help him gain his bearings.

January 10^th @ 2:50 PM: Dr. EP came into the room to see how Jason was doing. He asked us if Jason had moved yet or recognized anyone’s voice. We said no. Dr. EP went up to Jason’s right ear and yelled “David”. I guess he mixed up Jason’s name with David, but it was a good way to get his attention. At that point Jason’s eyes fluttered slightly.  Everyone in the room, including the doctor, looked excited.

It was still about an hour before Jason started to stir. His eyes would flutter open every once in a while. The nurses put restraints on his arms. As soon as the restraints were on Jason started to stir even more. I cannot remember how much time passed before Jason would open his eyes for a few seconds at a time, but at 4:43 PM Dr. EP came back. When Jason opened his eyes he asked him if he recognized myself and David. Jason’s eyes said that he did. Dr. EP started to ask Jason to move one foot and then the other foot. Jason was able to follow his command, although his foot only moved a tiny bit.

From here on Jason continued to open his eyes every once in a while. This started to become more frequent and he started to try to pull out the IVs and intubation tube. Sandra and I each held one hand because we did not want him to hurt himself on the restraints. Each time Jason’s eyes opened he could not remember where he was or what happened.

Sometime in the evening Jason got moved from the ICU to the Coronary Care Unit (CCU). Before moving Jason they had to change the IV from his right to his left arm because his right arm swelled up to at least twice its regular size. They also removed the intubation tube and he only needed a nasal cannula to deliver supplemental oxygen. The respiratory therapist whose job it was to decide between a full mask and a nasal cannula monitored Jason’s intake and was surprised at the quantity of oxygen he was bringing in with each breath.

Sandra and I took shifts staying with Jason in the CCU because he only had a 30 second memory. He slept a lot, but every time he shifted positions we had to make sure the IV going into an artery in his neck did not pull out. Every time he woke up we had the same 30 second conversation:

Jason: “Where am I.”

Janelle: “St. Boniface Hospital in Winnipeg.”

Jason: “Oh” in a surprised voice. (He thought we were still in Banff because he had no memory of us driving home).

Janelle: “You had a heart attack.” (Explaining the difference between a cardiac arrest and a heart attack was too difficult at this point).

Jason: “Really?”

Janelle: “Yes – don’t worry, you are going to be ok. All you need is a pace maker.” (Explaining the difference between an ICD and a pacemaker was too difficult at this point).

Jason: “I love you.”

Janelle: “I love you too.”

Sometimes Jason would add in, “Oh, now I will not be able to weld.”

Sometimes I would add in “Lots of people are praying for you.”

I am very grateful that Jason does not remember his time in the CCU. It was a rough time for him physically because all of his organs were starting up again. Originally the doctors had concerns about kidney damage and pneumonia, but after some tests they were no longer concerned.

One evening while I was watching Jason sleep in the CCU Dr. EP came to see how we were doing. He reassured me that Jason was making very good progress and that it could take weeks or months for Jason’s memory to reach its peak. He also told me that the previous night he told his wife that she should take a course with CPR training. Given Dr. EP has seen many patients I assume that this means he does not see success after CPR often.

January 12, 2013: Jason was moved to a semi-private room. It was the first day that Jason could keep down food.  Until today he was still not making any new memories but his memory had increased from 30 seconds to four hours. The best way to explain a four hour memory is to compare it to the movie 50 First Dates.  Today Jason made two permanent memories; drinking a gross tasting orange coloured drink that contained electrolytes and that his cousin Taylor got engaged.

January 13, 2013: Jason’s memory kept improving but he was still permanently remembering only a handful of memories every day. He had the cardiac MRI on his heart and the results showed his heart was in perfect condition. We were told that Jason would get his ICD implanted on January 15, but then the doctors got worried about his right arm, which was still quite swollen. He had an ultrasound on his arm which showed a blood clot. They administered blood thinners and postponed the ICD instillation until Friday.

January 15, 2013 @ 7:00 AM: I arrived at the hospital to find Jason being prepped for the ICD implant. This was a surprise because they told us it would be the next day. He waited without eating or drinking until 1:30 when we found out that he had been bumped and would have to wait until January 22 because the implants on Friday had been cancelled due to a shortage of anesthesiologists. 

January 22, 2013: Jason was scheduled for the first surgery of the day. Everything went well.

January 23, 2013 @ 2:00 PM: Jason came home with a perfect heart and memory! The doctors never figured out what caused the cardiac arrest and expect that we will never know. He is on medication to reduce the chances of it happening again and the ICD is an insurance in the case that it does. 

The Power of Prayer

Things were obviously pretty very serious, recovery was not looking good and it was almost certain that I would have some brain damage.  Thankfully at her first opportunity Janelle sent out a message to almost everyone we know.  The message quickly explained what had happened and asked that everyone join her in prayer for me.  The response was amazing!  So many people prayed for me, I received many messages from people that I didn’t even know as the news of my situation traveled from our friends to their friends and so on and so on. 

I am embarrassed to admit the inappropriate judgement that I made of many people.  I was receiving messages from people telling me that they were praying to God for me; people who I didn’t think were Christians.  I apologize and am thrilled to have been incorrect, thank you so much for your prayers.

My recovery has been “miraculous” to quote a few of the health care professionals.  There is currently no explanation for my cardiac arrest and every test has come back negative for any problems with my heart.  My heart is perfectly healthy and there is no evidence that I even experienced cardiac arrest.  I, and many others, believe that I was divinely healed and saved by God.  I believe that God divinely intervened and saved me as a direct result of all of our prayers – Thank You for Praying.

Why me and What do we do Now?

So why did this incident happen? Why did God allow this to happen to me?  The truth is I do not know and unless the Holy Spirit reveals something we may not know until we are with Jesus in heaven.  Sure I could speculate and could easily come up with a motivational story but I have become comfortable with not knowing.  A popular verse that many people memorize is Romans 8:28 NIV “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  While I am not sure how God is working all things out in this situation I have faith that He is and that much good has and will continue to come of this.

Without a doubt God saved me from death, there were plenty of opportunities for me to die but He divinely intervened.  Some of His actions were less obvious like Janelle waking up beside me in bed and immediately starting CPR – remember that the previous night I spend in the basement with David.  Other actions are of the more miraculous ‘parting the Red sea’ nature, for example my heart is in perfect condition with no signs of damage or illness.  Of all the different ways God healed me I am most grateful for my mind, not only am I completely back to normal cognitively speaking, I am not feeling depressed or anything like that.  In fact I am filled with optimism and positivity surrounding what God has done.

So where do we go from here?  What is God’s purpose in all of this?  One thing that has already been undeniably accomplished is showing that God is same healer that Jesus was when He walked the earth and that He does answers prayers.  If it wasn’t for you prayers and faith in His healing I am not sure that I would be writing this post today, again thank you.  Is my healing and the answer to our prayers God’s only purpose for all of this?  While it is a lot I am certain that God will continue to use this situation for much more.

In the introduction to Eugene Peterson’s paraphrase of the book of Acts (which follows the gospels of Jesus) he writes the following:

Because the story of Jesus is so impressive – God among us! God speaking a language we can understand!  God acting in ways that help and save us! – there is a danger that we will be impressed, but only impressed.  As the spectacular dimensions of this story slowly (or suddenly) dawn upon us, we could easily become enthusiastic spectators and let it go at that.  We could become mere admirers of Jesus, generous with our “oohs” and “ahs” …

Throughout the book of Acts Luke describes how the apostles and the disciples after having seen Jesus or other divine acts were filled with the Holy Spirit and did acts of their own. – of course there are other aspects to this book but this is one theme that applies to my situation right now.   The challenge for all of us is to not go away from my story as a spectator.  Do not only think of everything that happened and say ‘Isn’t it great that God healed him’ or ‘What a miracle’.  Use this story as a spiritual marker, a flag in your faith journey, something that you can look back on and remember who God is and what He does.  Be inspired to put your trust in God and in the plans He has for you.  Be inspired and become a Christian of action that in every situation is a witness for God and is no longer a spectator.

If you don’t yet know God but my story has created desire within you, I would love to talk to you more my contact information will be at the bottom.  Let this be the God-story that marks the beginning of your relationship with God.

Conclusion

I leave you all with the prayer that Paul had for the Ephesians in his letter to them he prayed:

For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom every family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. Now to him is able to immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations forever and ever! Amen.  (Ephesians 3:14-21 NIV)

If you have any additional questions or want to talk for any reason I am happy to do so.  I doubt that I will ever get tired of telling this story.  Please feel free to contact me through the comments section of the blog.

To God be all the Glory!

*Please pass this along to anyone who might want to read this story.

What's in a name? An Introduction

What’s in a name? Well in Life Without Ceasing there is a lot in a name.  When I first started thinking about starting a blog I could not stop thinking about the verse in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 “pray without ceasing” and that was going to be the name of my blog.   Pray Without Ceasing was going to be a place for me to discuss the Christian faith.  After putting off my first post for a very long time and coming up with many ideas to post about I realized that Pray Without Ceasing was not going to be sufficient as a name.  Using this name was going to limit me to only posting about ‘churchy’ things and the reality is that I don’t always live like that and I’d have to be very selective in what I post about.  Wanting to keep the opportunity to discuss the Christian faith regularly in this blog but to also allow posting random things going on in my life and what I think about them Life Without Ceasing has come to be.

Before going any further I’m sure some of you are asking: Why a blog?  Well the short answer is because I think I’ll be good at it.  Let me explain, I’ve just finished my degree and in doing so I had to take many courses by distance education.  Distance education is synonymous with paper writing, so I wrote a lot of papers and got pretty good at it.  I think that I’ve become a decent writer (your opinion may differ) and am pretty good at getting my ideas across in what I write.  This is often not the case when I am in conversation, often I leave a conversation and come up with something to say much later, so maybe writing suits me.  The other reason for a blog is because I don’t want to force anyone into this conversation, I want you the reader to read this if you want to and when you want to.  We’ve all had the Jehovah’s Witness knock on our door before, I don’t want to be like that.  Maybe you will be a regular reader and maybe you only read occasionally, either way I will be happy that you are reading.  If you like what you read or know somebody who would please send the link to your friends as this blog will not only be for people I know but for anyone who stumbles upon it.

Life Without Ceasing will be a blog about my life as a born again believer in our risen Lord Jesus Christ.  This blog will allow me to discuss the faith issues that I find interesting, and the issues that I am struggling with.  I will also be able to tell you about things that I am experiencing in my life and how they tie into my daily faith walk.  The reality is that being a Christian should affect your whole life and not just those moments where you choose to be ‘religious’ such as Sunday mornings.  In the past I believe that some of the greatest leadership that I’ve given has been through just living.  I’ve shown that I have be a Christian who plays hockey, or can drink a beer, or laugh out loud, or be sympathetic, or have struggles,  and the list goes on.  My hope is that Life Without Ceasing will provide me an opportunity to show you what my life as a Christian is like.  I hope that this will be a place where I can challenge you and that you can challenge me.  Please comment or email me (jasondavidmann@gmail.com) at any time if you have something to say about a post.  I am far from perfect and I am sure that I will make errors and most certainly will not always be the perfect example, but I hope that through following my blog and from your comments we will both be challenged and encouraged in our life as brothers and sisters in Christ.